


Another Day, Another Planet

by AuroraNova



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 15:01:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13684059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuroraNova/pseuds/AuroraNova
Summary: SG-1 chats on a mission that almost goes according to plan. Almost.





	Another Day, Another Planet

**Author's Note:**

> I felt like writing some light-hearted team conversation, and this is the result.

Jack looked up at the mountain looming in front of him and asked, “Carter, you’re sure this volcano isn’t going to wake up any time soon?”

She was intrigued by volcanic rock with naquadah, an apparently unique discovery. Carter always wanted to get her hands on more naquadah for experiments, since the Air Force only let her play with so much.

That was all well and good, but the key word was _volcanic_. As in, ejected from the volcano they were at the base of. Jack wasn’t sure he could outrun lava, and he didn’t particularly want to find out.

“From what we saw on the UAV, it doesn’t appear to have been active for some time, sir. We’re probably talking thousands of years, and considering its proximity to the gate, I’d guess it was deemed no threat when the gate was placed here. It’s as safe as any other mission we go on.”

Her point about the gate placement was a good one. The Ancients seemed way too smart to put a stargate where it could be buried by a volcanic eruption. Although… volcanoes could come out of retirement, and he had no doubt the Ancients could’ve easily moved the gate when they were around. “If it rumbles or we see lava seeping through cracks, we’re out of here. I’d rather not do my Pompeii impression.”

Before Teal’c could even ask, Daniel jumped into the conversation. “Pompeii was buried in volcanic ash, not lava. That’s why it’s so well preserved.”

Jack knew that. He’d only temporarily forgotten. “They were just as dead, anyway.”

“Well, yes. Death is like that. You’re either dead, or you’re not.”

“Clearly you haven’t seen _The Princess Bride_.” Jack would have to do something about that.

“Only mostly dead,” quipped Carter. Jack was happy someone else on his team had seen _The Princess Bride_.

“Would that not be more accurately described as gravely injured?” asked Teal’c, missing the point entirely.

“It’s obviously time for a movie night,” said Jack.

“Is this an important work of Tau’ri culture?”

“Absolutely,” said Jack.

“Not that important,” muttered Daniel.

Jack chose to ignore him. “It’s a cult classic,” he told Teal’c.

“I haven’t seen it in years,” said Carter. “It will make a good movie night.”

Daniel had stopped complaining about being dragged to team movie nights, probably because he wasn’t fooling anyone. “The title doesn’t sound like your usual fare, Jack.”

“It’s a cult classic, not a cheesy romance.”

“I think I have it,” said Carter.

“You think?”

“I’m pretty sure I got it for Christmas a few years ago.”

Geniuses. They could remember the tiniest little details of obscure science or history, and somehow not know which movies they owned.

To Daniel, Carter said, “I don’t know if you’ll like it, but it’s definitely different and very quotable.”

Jack supplied one of those quotes. “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

“That sounds more like your kind of movie,” said Daniel.

Teal’c’s interest rose as well. He loved a good revenge. Being Teal’c, though, he could never ask a regular question about the movie. “I do not understand your culture’s interest in princesses.”

Jack knew where this conversation was headed. Daniel would go into anthropologist mode, Carter would make a feminist observation, and Teal’c would decide humans were weird, but not say it in so many words.

“It’s very interesting how a country that fought a war to overthrow monarchy and its corresponding aristocracy still has a certain veneration for royalty and peerage. I think it has something to do with the idea of finding out you’re royalty, or marrying into it, and the perception that thereafter your life would be easy.”

“It’d help if girls were given more role models than fictional princesses.”

“I find it unlikely that all princesses would adhere to the standards of Tau’ri beauty, as they do in stories.”

“Physical beauty was often used as a way to established that the female protagonist was of good moral character.”

“Really screwing things up for women of good character who didn’t have the good fortune to be stunning.”

“Only a poor storyteller must resort to such methods.”

_Yep_ , Jack thought to himself. _Called it._

* * *

 

After ten minutes on the subject of fairy tales, the team reached a consensus: Prince Charming was an idiot. Sam wasn’t one for fairy tales, but this interpretation she could get behind.

“Daniel Jackson, did you not specifically state that Cinderella’s entire outfit disappeared at the stroke of midnight?”

“Yes.”

“And yet a single shoe was somehow exempt from the expiration.” Teal’c used the voice which meant he thought someone was missing the obvious.

“A shoe Prince Charming wouldn’t have needed if he’d paid attention to Cinderella,” pointed out Sam. “He couldn’t recognize the face or voice of the woman he wanted to marry? Not very observant. I don’t think he’d make a good king.”

“He must’ve been paying attention to her other assets,” muttered the colonel. At Daniel’s raised eyebrow he said, “What? I’ve been forced to watch period movies. Some of those dresses showed a lot of cleavage.” A second later, another idea occurred to him. “Either that or he had a foot fetish.”

Teal’c didn’t ask about foot fetishes, thankfully. His take was, “When romantically interested in a woman, it is prudent to ask her name.”

“It does make things easier,” agreed Daniel.

“Carter’s right. That kingdom better hope Prince Charming has an older brother who’s quicker on the uptake.”

“It’s an inherent problem with primogeniture,” said Daniel. “Being the first-born son doesn’t mean anyone is necessarily qualified to lead.”

Sam thought Cinderella could do better, and the whole story was a terrible example for girls. The supposed heroine never did anything to help herself, just waited for a man to come rescue her, and not even an intelligent man at that.

Colonel O’Neill concluded, “I guess that’s why he’s Prince Charming, not Prince Clever.”

“Cinderella ought to have taken steps to ensure he would be a suitable husband.”

“Thank you, Teal’c,” said Sam. “She’s just supposed to be so thrilled to marry a prince, never mind that he’s an idiot.”

The colonel said, “I think the story dates to when even an idiot prince was a catch, and at least she wouldn’t have to live with her bitch stepmother and stepsisters anymore.”

She was about to complain about Cinderella just waiting to be rescued by a man when Colonel O’Neill added, “Who knows, maybe she’d end up being the power behind the throne,” and Sam decided that wouldn’t be the worst interpretation in the world.

Teal’c disagreed. “If he is not a thoughtful prince, he could very soon leave Cinderella a widow.”

“I don’t follow,” said the colonel.

“Prince Charming would be a very easy target for assassination.”

The colonel said what Sam was thinking. “That’s kind of dark for a fairy tale.”

“You obviously haven’t read the originals,” remarked Daniel, who undoubtedly had. “Well, by originals I mean the earliest written copies of oral traditions, but still. Ariel turned to sea foam at the end of _The Little Mermaid_.”

“That doesn’t sound like it would make Disney boatloads of money,” said Colonel O’Neill.

“What is a mermaid?”

The three of them all looked at Teal’c, who simply waited for his answer.

The colonel gave a characteristically brief explanation. “Woman from the waist up, fish from the waist down.”

Daniel, naturally, provided a more cohesive overview. “Mermaids are mythical creatures, for one thing. You really should lead with that, Jack.”

“That’s your department.”

“Anyway, yes, mythical creatures with a human upper body, but the tail of a fish instead of legs, and they inhabited the ocean. The male equivalent is a merman. What’s particularly interesting is that you see relatively uniform descriptions and depictions across cultures all over Earth.”

This last part intrigued Sam, who wondered, “Do you think merpeople could’ve been aliens?”

“I thought they were supposed to be the desperate visions of sailors who hadn’t seen women in months,” said Colonel O’Neill.

“And mistook manatees or dugongs for mermaids, yes, that’s the generally accepted theory, but we’ve proven plenty of those wrong in the last couple of years. I’d need to see more evidence, Sam, but it’s an intriguing idea.”

“I have never heard of a race matching the description of a mermaid,” Teal’c told them. “Your world has a great many mythical beings. Were they all to be inspired by alien visits, I would be extremely surprised.”

“I haven’t been holding my breath to meet Bigfoot,” said the colonel.

Sam abandoned the conversation when she spotted a nice chunk of volcanic rock, one identified on UAV footage as very promising. The MALP samples had indicated enough naquadah in volcanic rock to be of value, according to Dr. Williamson, their geologist.

“Alright, Carter, you’re on,” said the colonel. “The rest of us will look out for Jaffa, Bigfoot, or molten lava.”

She didn’t know why he was so paranoid about the volcano, but wasn’t inclined to argue the point when she had a golden opportunity to get herself more naquadah for experiments.

* * *

 

Teal’c did not understand Dr. Williamson’s absence from this mission. Even Tau’ri bones, which required an extraordinarily long period of recuperation, had to have healed by now. “Why has Dr. Williamson not joined us?”

“Didn’t you hear?” asked O’Neill. “He won’t go through the gate anymore.”

“He is refusing to fulfill his duty?” Teal’c’s estimation of the geologist dropped considerably.

“It’s not like that,” said Daniel Jackson. “Look, a plaque!”

O’Neill peered down at the block which had intrigued Daniel Jackson. “More like it used to be a plaque.”

Undaunted by the disrepair, Daniel Jackson retrieved a set of brushes from his backpack and began to remove dirt. “Civilians are allowed to change their minds about jobs,” he explained. “Oh, I think I can get something from a rubbing of this.”

Teal’c was aware that the Tau’ri did not utilize execution and banishment frequently, as was the habit of Goa’uld everywhere. He approved of this restraint as a general rule, but sometimes it baffled him how much freedom the Tau’ri possessed outside their military structure. How they managed to accomplish common goals, he did not know.

“Yet Dr. Williamson is remaining with SGC.”

“It’s not like we have a lot of naquadah experts,” said O’Neill, “and he has clearance.”

“So were he in the military, he would be forced to return to gate travel.”

“Probably. Unless he went for a psych eval and got excused that way.”

“His shoulder was skewered with a pike and then he was chased off a cliff, pike and all,” said Captain Carter. “That’s a rough first mission for anyone, let alone a civilian.”

“Daniel Jackson has managed greater challenges.” Though perhaps Dr. Williamson lacked the motivation of seeking his spouse. Everything Daniel Jackson suffered, he did because he sought the woman Teal’c had taken from him. It was another burden Teal’c was forced to bear.

“Daniel here is very often the exception that proves the rule,” said O’Neill.

“Would an exception not disprove a rule?”

“Nope.”

Teal’c found the attitude peculiar, and quite obviously mistaken, but he chose not to question it further. He was more intrigued by Dr. Williamson’s ability to decide how he contributed to SGC. “Will there be repercussions for Dr. Williamson?”

“He’s not about to be separated from his head, if that’s what you mean,” said O’Neill.

“Well, the military isn’t known for being terribly forgiving about what it perceives as weaknesses,” said Daniel Jackson. “And since we work for the military, I wouldn’t rule out some people thinking Williamson can’t handle himself.”

“He’s a brilliant geologist, though,” said Captain Carter. “I’m glad he’s staying with SGC, even if he doesn’t want to go offworld anymore. I can’t break off a chunk of this rock. Teal’c, would you give it a try?”

He accepted her hammer and brought it down on a protrusion. A piece of rock the size of his fist fell off and rolled past Captain Carter’s feet. “Will that suffice?”

“Perfectly. Thank you.”

He nodded and scanned the horizon. There were no discernable threats, but one could never be too careful.

O’Neill watched as Daniel Jackson selected a smaller brush for his work. “You know what I’ve never gotten?”

“If this is about the French not pronouncing half the letters in a given word, we had that conversation Monday.”

Captain Carter made a noise of amusement known to the Tau’ri as a ‘chuckle.’ “The colonel had a point.”

“Thank you, Carter. But no, Daniel, I was referring to plaque. How come we use the same word for something commemorative and the crap on our teeth?”

“I never thought of it that way,” said Captain Carter, scraping small pieces off a large slab of rock. “Now that you mention it, sir, it is kind of weird.”

“It’s a quirk of etymology,” explained Daniel Jackson. “The work was adopted into French…”

“That explains the weird spelling.”

“Yes, Jack, we all know how you feel about French vowels. Anyway, the word comes from Dutch, which gives us _placke:_ disk, patch, stain. You can see how the same word could apply to a disk of metal or a stain on teeth.”

“Your languages are very complicated,” said Teal’c. The sheer multitude of them was remarkable. “And imprecise.”

“I know. I’ve forgotten most of my Spanish, and that uses the same alphabet.” Captain Carter shook her head. “I don’t know how Daniel does it.”

“Languages make sense to me.” Daniel Jackson covered the plaque with paper and began to apply the chalk he carried for this precise purpose. “This inscription looks like it was derived from runes.”

“Asgard?” asked O’Neill.

“Asgard runes don’t change much. It’s a peculiarity of the Asgard that their language appears to have remained relatively static for a thousand years or more.”

“Like they’ve perfected it?”

“That’s not how language works, and it really indicates cultural stagnation.”

Teal’c thought of how easy it was to read even the oldest Goa’uld writing. “By that criteria, the Goa’uld have been culturally stagnant for thousands of years.”

“By every criteria,” agreed Daniel Jackson.

“I don’t get the impression the Goa’uld are worried about culture,” said Captain Carter. She was correct.

Daniel Jackson reached a conclusion about the plaque. “This seems more like human writing with linguistic drift than Asgard.”

“So transplanted by the Asgard? Rescued from the Goa’uld, maybe?” guessed O’Neill.

“Possibly.” Daniel Jackson held up the paper. “It’s not much of a sample to work with, so I’m not sure if I’ll be able to translate it. Hold this while I get my sealant, will you?”

O’Neill accepted the rubbing. “Right. That’s what the birds are for. Means I’m fully qualified to hold your stuff.”

Captain Carter chuckled again, then attempted to cover it with a very unconvincing cough.

* * *

 

After clearing away the stone base of the plaque, Daniel was unsurprised to see nothing noteworthy. Any inscriptions which may have once been present had long since been worn away by the elements. At least the metal was more durable. He thought it might be naquadah.

“Don’t you think this is depressing?” asked Jack.

He didn’t follow. “Plaques?”

“Not specifically. I mean all these things left behind.”

“If I found archaeology depressing, I wouldn’t have picked it for a career.”

“Yeah, okay, but all these people are dead, and they don’t even have descendants running around anymore.”

Now Daniel understood. “For one thing, what I do helps remember them. For another, we have no way of knowing if their descendants are gone or not. They may have left for another planet, or they may be a hundred miles away, thriving, having only abandoned the immediate area around the gate.”

Sam paused in the middle of testing rock with magnet. “If there are people on this planet, I hope this doesn’t count as stealing resources.”

“I don’t see any No Trespassing signs,” said Jack, completely ignoring his inability to read runes.

Teal’c gave Jack a quizzical look. “A sign is a poor deterrent for trespassers.”

“I know. It’s a bit more convincing if you also have Trespassers Will Be Shot, or at least Beware of Dog.”

“One could simply shoot the dog.”

Jack muttered something about heartless dog-haters which Daniel didn’t entirely catch because he was looking for other signs of habitation. Where there was a plaque, there might be more artifacts. It would help if he could read the runes, but he wasn’t a runologist, and he didn’t have the appropriate reference materials at hand. Going from memory, these runes had undergone a fair amount of drift, but the basic forms were still recognizable. Luckily for Daniel, written words didn’t evolve as quickly as spoken language.

When he tuned back in to the conversation, Sam was suggesting a good fence to keep out unwanted visitors. “I bet you could make a strong fence from all this naquadah.”

“Assuming the natives were aware of naquadah’s utility,” said Teal’c.

“Right.”

Daniel said, “I think the plaque is made of naquadah.”

That was a surefire way to get Sam’s interest. “I’ll have to take a look,” she said. “Naquadah isn’t an easy metal to work with.”

So this could potentially tell them about the makers’ level of metallurgy. Daniel was pleased.

The next thing he knew, the ground was shaking and he pitched forward onto his hands and knees. That was going to leave bruises. Sam and Jack fell backwards, while Teal’c somehow managed to remain standing.

“Everyone okay?” Jack asked as he stood, dusting off his ass.

Daniel had scraped his palms a bit, but nothing too serious. “Fine. Minor scrapes.”

“I’m okay, sir.”

“I am unharmed.”

“Good. Pack up, campers. Tremors and earthquakes are signs of a volcano getting ready to erupt.”

Sam didn’t argue, which Daniel took as a sign this was fairly serious. Instead she started stowing her samples. “I didn’t know you were interested in volcanology, sir.”

“I’m interested in staying alive, so I looked it up last night.”

Daniel carefully rolled up his rubbing and stashed it in his backpack, followed by brushes. This didn’t take long, and Sam hadn’t wasted time either. They set off toward the gate at a brisk pace.

“I hope there aren’t people living nearby,” said Sam. “The UAV didn’t explore as far as lava could reach, and that’s not even getting into the potential range of ash.”

Jack replied, “With nobody actually standing around here, we’re gonna have to file that one under Not Our Problem. Daniel, stop it.”

“Stop what, walking?”

“No. Thinking.”

“I hadn’t realized my mental processes fell under the purview of your command.”

“You slow down when you’re thinking hard. Knock it off.”

He didn’t stop thinking – he never did, unless he was asleep – but he paid more attention to his speed walking. “The volcano’s possible pending eruption could explain the absence of people. Some cultures have legends which warn them of impending natural disasters. Native American tribes on the west coast, for instance, have tales of tsunamis.” He’d have to look up the details later, but he was certain there was oral history to warn people away from the immediate coastline when a tsunami might be approaching.

“This could be a supervolcano,” mused Sam, “if it hasn’t erupted for several thousand years.”

“Worse than Mt. St. Helens?” asked Jack.

“Much worse.”

Teal’c had a different question. “Does your world experience volcanoes with regularity?”

“Oh yes,” said Sam. “Some areas more than others, of course.”

“One part gets so many earthquakes and volcanoes, we call it the Ring of Fire,” said Jack.

“And people choose to inhabit this region?”

Jack nodded. “Yep.”

Teal’c looked confused, so Daniel attempted to explain. “People who grow up with a certain danger view it differently than others. Someone in the northeast, for example, will take blizzards in a stride but can’t handle the thought of living in Tornado Alley, where they’re not bothered by tornadoes but a hurricane would be unimaginable.”

“Or if you’re a military brat, you get used to it all,” said Sam.

Their walk to the gate was much faster than the hike out, and in no time they walked down the ramp at SGC.

Hammond checked for obvious injuries, seeming satisfied that none of them were in immediate danger. “SG-1, you’re back early.”

“Well, sir,” said Jack, “it’s all fun and games until the volcano starts coming to life.”

“I see. Is there any reason the debriefing can’t wait until tomorrow as scheduled?”

“None.”

“Very well, we’ll discuss this tomorrow.”

Daniel hoped he might have more information on the plaque by then. Jack’s thoughts were elsewhere. Specifically, movies. “ _The Princess Bride_ tonight? My place at eighteen-thirty? I’ll provide the pizza.”

“I’ll bring the movie,” said Sam. “If I don’t have it, I’ll rent it.”

Having no particular plans, and not much he could hope to get from the rubbing, Daniel offered, “I’ll bring chips and Teal’c.”

“I will bring the soda,” Teal’c said with the gravitas only he could pull off for the subject. “If you will allow for a detour to the 7 Eleven, Daniel Jackson.”

“Of course. I’ll get the chips while we’re there.”

“Daniel, the part about being only mostly dead should be familiar,” said Jack. “You should cut that out, by the way. It’s giving me grays.”

“By all means, I’ll start taking your hair into account when I make decisions.”

“Gray hair is a sign of wisdom,” Teal’c told them on the way out of the gate room. “It means the bearer has survived much and in a position to offer insight gained from experience.”

Sam grinned. “I’ll remember that to tell my dad. He’ll like it.”

“Small consolation,” said Jack, “but I guess I’ll take it.”

* * *

 

_A Few Days Later_

Jack arrived in the conference room precisely two minutes before the briefing was due to begin, as usual. Teal’c and Carter were already there, also as usual. Jack had it on good authority that Carter set an alarm so she didn’t get lost in her experiments and show up late to a briefing.

Daniel was the wild card. He might get there first, or he might rush in behind the general, a faux pas he never seemed to understand the severity of. It was a good thing Hammond liked him. This particular day he was already there, discussing something with Teal’c. Jack listened long enough to catch Teal’c say, “it is a tale young children are told for their amusement,” decided he didn’t need to know, and took his seat.

Carter looked glum. He wondered if he should ask, until she took the choice out of his hands. “You were right about the volcano, Colonel.”

Jack wasn’t surprised. His gut had kept him alive this long, so he listened to it.

“We can’t connect to P4Z-119 anymore,” she said. “Which means lava, not ash, has either sealed the gate or melted it past the point of functionality. It’s a real shame, because we could’ve gotten a lot of naquadah from that planet.”

That was unfortunate. On the bright side… “At least we weren’t caught up in it.”

“True, sir. I just wish we’d gone earlier, when we could’ve gotten naquadah.”

That ship had sailed. Jack picked up his briefing folder and flipped through to the UAV pictures, where he noticed something too good to keep to himself. “Looks like we might be getting up close and personal with ROUS.”

Teal’c’s eyebrows went up very slightly. “Is this a reference to the Rodents of Unusual Size in _The Princess Bride_?”

“Nope, it’s a reference to the Rodents of Unusual Size on M8Z-527.” He slid over the photo for proof.

“I’d like to avoid anything resembling a Fire Swamp.”

“You and me both, Carter.”

“I think we can all agree on that,” said Daniel, and nobody objected.

“Agree on what?” asked Hammond, closing the door behind him.

Jack answered for the team. “We’d like to avoid Fire Swamps, sir.”

The general frowned. “I’m not sure what that is, but it doesn’t sound good.”

“It’s fictional,” said Daniel.

“Yes, well, so were a lot of things until we found them out there.” Jack waved vaguely towards the gate room.

Daniel retorted, “You’re just jealous that SG-2 found dinosaurs before we did.”

It wasn’t so much jealous as annoyed that he lost twenty bucks on the bet, but the look on Hammond’s face strongly suggested he drop the conversation, and Jack knew when to pick his battles. “So. M8Z-527. I think I prefer the Rodents of Unusual Size to a volcano that’s waking up.”

“I believe this could be the setting for an ancient Jaffa legend,” said Teal’c.

Jaffa legend. Giant rats. An alien moon. Just another day in Jack’s crazy life, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

 


End file.
